An Open Letter to Funny People Regarding Sarah Palin

Filed under: , by: Nick M

Dear Producers of Laughter,

Occasionally there comes a public figure so utterly hilarious that the jokes just right themselves. And, hey, writing jokes is hard so you deserve a break every once and a while. No doubt a chill rushed down the collective spine of funny people when George W. Bush left office. "How am I going to fill the last 5 minutes of my set? I'm all out of wit and i need to talk about someone ludicrous. Where will I turn now?" It seems God heard these comedic prayers and delivered unto you Sarah Palin. She seemed almost too good to be true. In fact, rumors spread for some time that Sarah Palin was created by comedians from the drippings of their most absurd and twisted imaginings held loosely together by frameless glasses, thousand dollar outfits, and probably duct tape. While this rumor was false, it at least seemed more likely than adopting the brute fact that someone like Sarah Palin existed; She just couldn't be real.

Unfortunately, she is real. And she is inexplicably gaining power. It may just have something to do with you, the funny people. What appeared at first to be nothing more than a infinite comedy gold mind proved to be a dark succubus, capable of feeding on quick comedic pop shots to gain power and influence. The process works something like this. A utterly hilarious joke is made at Sarah Palin's expense. She, lacking a heart or humor, becomes extremely offended and parades some aspect of her home life in front of the media. This has the ability to take normal, rational people, who usually delight in mocking the absurd, and transform form them into raving lunatics hell bent on spending time, energy, and money on Sarah Palin. Just how this occurs is really a question of metaphysics, so I will refrain from speaking much further on this matter. Perhaps some time should be devoted to a scholarly article on the causal properties surrounding Sarah Palin, but this letter is not an article. It is a plea.

Comedians, T.V. Show Creators, Comedy Writers, Actors, Court Jesters and Funny guys/gals at the end of the bar, please stop making fun of Sarah Palin. She deserves it and your goal is noble. But, you are giving her power. If you stop making fun of her, she will have nothing to react to and consequently weaken. As she weakens so does her invisible strangle hold on many good people. It is also likely that in this impotent state she will fade into obscurity and disappear from our minds. I think a world in which Sarah Palin is but a fleeting memory is a world for which we all hope, knowingly or unknowingly. I am not asking you to bear the ring to Mordor or charge into battle against the forces of evil. I only ask that you cut off a source of Sarah Palin's strength. I am not even asking you to do this for free. In exchange for Sarah Palin I offer you Rush Limbaugh, Miley Cyrus, and Mel Gibson. I know these three individual of almost limitless incomprehensibility are not equivalent to the strange mass of contradictions that is Sarah Palin. But sometimes we must make sacrifices for the world we love.

I hope my plea has reached you and you will agree to help. The work of funny people is a necessary aspect of any free society, and you are part of a great cultural force. For those people who are not funny that are reading this letter: you can help too. Tell all the funny people you know and ask them to spread the word about Sarah Palin's ability transmogrify jokes into dark strength. Sign petitions, start fundraisers, or just turn off the news whenever Palin's name or visage appear. We can all do our part to help make a world in which Sarah Palin is not a remembered or recognized public figure.

In Love and Concern,

Nick Montgomery